The Flying Car

First of all, if you haven't seen the "bit" with the "Flying Car" staring Brian and Jeff from Clerks (aka Dante and Randall) then you might want to watch it before continuing on.





As you may know, I've been kinda trapped with two babies in a house for a little over a month now, and as much as I love them, I'm starting to get a little bit kookie. Not that I'm going to go in the direction of Nicole Kidman in the movie "The Others", but there is a lot of pop culture rattling around in my brain headed in strange places due to sleep deprivation and diaper fumes.

One of the things that has come up is the release of Kevin Smith's new movie "Clerks II, The Passion Of The Clerks". Short story long, I missed opening weekend and I probably won't be able to see it until it comes out on video. Ironically enough, it's the first opening weekend of a Kevin Smith (KS) film I've missed since I missed the opening of his first flick, Clerks. Most people missed the opening of the first Clerks though because it only ran on, like, 50 screens nation wide. To make up for the missing of such a moment I've been checking out the Clerks II website and YouTube to catch the behind the scenes footage/movie trailers, checking out the Viewaskew.com chat board and began checking out Kevin's blog again for the first time in forever. If you've been reading all along, then you know that reading KS's blog is what led me to blog in the first place. Last night I listened to KS on xm Opie & Andrew show via my computer. It may have been a taping or something, I dunno if it was live or anything. One of the things that repeatedly gets brought up by fan after fan is how they too are directors or making films or whatever, and KS is like, their God (like Moobie?) or their hero (wind beneath my wings?) or whatever. Personally, I've been more of a fan of his writing and dialog. The monologue he writes, I think, are the kind that are so terrific you don't realize you're watching an hour and a half of two shots. Way fucking better than that tripe delivered in Breakfast Club. Much like the embarrassing moment in "Riding In Cars With Boys" (a movie that has nothing to do with KS that I know of)I've spent a lot of my life writing and trying to express myself through writing. I think Drew Barrymore would've had a much better shot at the football player, Sky Barrister, if she'd dropped one of KS's monologues on him instead of one of Beverly Donofrio's poems on him, that's for damn sure!

So it's 5:30am. I've gotten maybe 4 hours of sleep in the last 24 hours (perhaps a new record!). Both babies are crying now as opposed to just Andrew who had been crying for the last two hours before that and I'm starting to catch my fifth wind (perhaps from finishing off that 3rd two litter of Diet Coke after I ran out of that CostCo case of Starbucks Frappuccinos). For no particular reason, I hadn't really spoken out loud for at least a couple of hours. Andrew is due for a diaper change. I'm hauling him off to the changing table humming the "Peanuts" song I put up on myspace. Sydney isn't impressed, she's crying. Andrew's not impressed, he's still crying. As I begin changing his diaper, I realize I need to restock the clean diapers, so I turn around for a second turning back just in time to see Drew peeing all over himself, still crying. I grab a wipe, a new onesie and a clean diaper. Out of nowhere I say aloud, "Sorry, but after this, you still won't get the flying car." Silence. The look on Andrew's face, OMG, I started laughing so hard tears were rolling down my face. Andrew just stared at me. Even Sydney in the other room was suddenly quiet. I think they were both a little worried that I'd lost it completely.

It's just after 10:30 am. Neither one of them have stopped crying for longer than 10 or 15 minutes since Sydney woke up at 4:30am. I'm beginning to wonder what else I can try. Part of the problem is they stop crying when I hold them but I can only hold one of them at a time so it seems like someone is always unhappy. They should be tired enough for me to get some sleep soon after the 11:30 feeding is over. If one more person tells me to "just let them cry themselves to sleep" I'm going to punch them in the face. The "Cry to Sleep" method doesn't work for me if the twins keep taking turns!!!

Still, hope springs eternal and I wouldn't give this up for all the money in the world, or even the flying car!