Adoption

This is a "poem" I wrote about being adopted. I say "poem" because it doesn't rhyme and if you have been reading this blog all along, I'm more of a rhymer type. A little back story first. I was adopted when I was just a couple of days old. I did try to find my birth mom by putting my name in for contact with Children's Home Society, but unless she puts her name in too, I'm S.O.L. My brother (no relation) was adopted four years before me. About six years ago he located his birth mother. Weird thing is, I had met his half brother two years before he did. I met my brother's brother at a party and said "you have eyes just like my brother". Seeing my own eyes looking back at me has been a dream of mine forever. I did get a list of miscellaneous "medical" information from Children's Home Society and found out I have my mother's height and my father's eyes. I used to have a recurring nightmare about being taken away by a lady all in black. To a kid, a lady in all black is a witch, right? I used to wake up screaming that the witches were coming to get me. My parents could never understand why I couldn't settle down, why this fear I had seemed so real to me. I mean, you hear the same heartbeat for nine-ish months and then it's gone forever, why wouldn't I think it could happen again? Anyway.......

Untitled

I never let go of the day my genetic connection died.
The day I was born.
The day the nuns came and took me to live with "Mommy and Daddy".
I was a beautiful healthy girl dying to be like my parents.
Unknowing of unbroken bonds.
Unknowing the happiness of just being.
So that in the blackness of my deepest attempts as an adult,
I would not remember the day a part of me died......

*Adopted off the Farm*
The witches came on Halloween
to the very place I was born.
I was stripped, ripe, from the vine
which was nourishing me with roots
dug deep
in California black gold.
Until that moment
I bathed blissfully unaware in the dying fall sunlight
(an unspoken ephemeral promise of something better)
But now, all that remains is a hollow shell,
chiseled smile and vacant eyes
echoing the sound....
"I love you pumpkin"


The End

FYI
Mothers, fathers and siblings can request information on a child given up for adoption through Children's Home Society of Northern or Southern California. If the child is over 18 years old and has put their name in to be contacted as well, then Children's Home Society will release the information to both parties.
One thing that surprised my brother about finding his birth mother is he said it healed things he didn't even know needed healing and his birth mother said to me that it felt good to let go of things she was suffering through in silence for all these years.