The Cat Is Out Of The Bag

Well, it's getting to the point where I need special clothes and strange men are nice enough to hold the door or offer to carry stuff for me. Yep, I'm 25 weeks pregnant and counting. I've been reading the books, doing the special exercises (girls, you know what I mean), eating the correct food and taking the vitamins, quit smoking.... in short, everything you are supposed to do. The one thing that I had left out due to irrational fears is to go see a doctor. Of course, now that I have two Doctor visits under my belt, and everything is going according to plan, I'm almost back to where I should be. I'm a little nervous about my up coming Ultrasound, kind of nervous about delivery and terrified of bringing home a tiny infant. I don't know about you, but this revelation was quite surprising to me. I was always sure I'd be more afraid of delivery than child care. Maybe it's the hormones?
After two miscarriages and two different doctors telling me I could never have children, I just feel like all of this was somehow meant to be. That everything will work itself out (granted the fact that I participate in what needs to get done when it needs to get done). The big hitch is that I never pictured myself a single parent before, not ever. All the books I'm reading have the term or phrase "your partner" in them A LOT!! Everytime I come across it, I get more and more terrified. Then I wonder "What the HECK am I doing?"
The answer is always the most amazing part. It's the part that always makes me cry. I always feel some sort of movement. Whether it's an attention getting kick in the bladder saying "stop whining and go take a pee... I want some more room down here" or it's a soft sort of bump to the belly, I get reminded that currently I'm a huge, hormonal freak with a parasite growing inside, this is no time to think that I am thinking rationally in anyway, shape or form. In truth, nobody really knows what they are doing either, everything is just the way it's supposed to be. I can either cry, moan and/or bitch or actively participate.
Now that I have graduated from Life 101, welcome to Parenting 101. Classes for Life 202 and Parenting 202 will occur simultaneously and begin in the fall.
Wish me luck!