Misery & Company

You know the old saying, "Misery loves company". I can't think of any other time that's been truer than now while I'm pregnant. I had my "3 hour Glucola Test" today. That's the test where they starve you for 12 hours, poke you in the arm for blood, make you drink this gross flat orange crush sugar yuck stuff and follow it up by taking more blood every hour for 3 hours. Today there was one other lady taking the same test as me. Three hours is a long time to sit uncomfortably in a doctor's waiting room without being miserable. Naturally the other lady and I gravitated towards each other and struck up conversation. At first it was the basic getting to know you stuff. The "Wow, twins" said to me and "Wow, 4 girls.... 2 and 1/2 in diapers(one is potty training with pull-ups), one in high school!" said to her. Next step is the story exchange which inevitably boils down to the joys/misery comparison. While this lady and I are in the room together for nearly 3 hours, it's a waiting room with 5 or so other pregnant women rotating in and out of the waiting room as their appointments are called. Today, I found out none of us like the Glucola orange sugar yuck. Everyone hates the old torture style ultrasound which requires a full bladder (apparently the new machines require an empty bladder but this office only has the older model). I think there are enough pregnant women out there that we might actually be able to get the signatures to ban the older machines, but we're generally too tired to get off the couch more than what is required. It seems that in our small pool of pregnant women, we either had persistent heartburn/acid reflux -or- morning sickness. One conclusion we all agreed on is that all of this is entirely worth it. I thought that it was interesting how women on their 2nd, 3rd and more pregnancy seemed to compare each pregnancy more than they compared each child, as if they love them all equally well now, but in the womb, kid number 2 damn near killed me, etc. The lady having the 3 hour test as well and waiting like me is the younger sibling of ident twin girls. I guess everyone thought they were triplets. The lady sitting across from us has 6 children, all pretty close in age. The middle two are frat twin boys who are now 11. She didn't speak the best english (Cajun maybe?), but she understood it well. I showed her the title of a sub- chapter in "The Art Of Parenting Twins" (The Unique Joys And Challenges Of Raising Twins And Other Multiples) called "Adjusting to Twinshock - Training For The Multiple Olympics", to which she laughed richly for about a minute or two trapped in the glorious memory of getting through the first 3 months with twins. People like her and others I've met make me feel so much better about all of this. Not that I think it's going to be easy, but that I too, shall come through this and still be smiling and laughing in the end. In my scenario, the good news is that I only have to deal with the twins and myself, the bad news is that, so far, I only have myself and the twins. Everyone has different circumstances and yet, most all survive.

I asked my friend Sue what I should do if both babies are crying and I can't do anything to calm them down. Her response? "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."
Yes, sometimes, misery does in fact, love company.

Money Is Wonderful

I figured out how to paste a PayPal donation link into my blog so that people who would like to send me a gift for my babies can. I also have the same link pasted into my web page http://www.myspace.com/nrgxtc
I'm still not positive where I'm going to be living yet, so physical gifts don't seem like such a good idea right now. I'm pretty happy though. I found out that I've gained about 30 pounds, not bad. Maybe I should celebrate with some more ice cream, my only weakness and true craving. I went from a 37 1/2 inch waist to a 45 inch waist, also, not bad. My friend Laurie swears I look huge but I feel beautiful. It's pretty freeing when you know you're supposed to be fat.

I feel so random tonight... all these lose ideas just free floating around.

Twitch, twitch... Kick, kick

I can almost figure out roughly how big the babies are, which isn't very big, but big enough to make it harder to breath and create other difficulties.

I was wondering today how much money I could make with an ad in the newspaper that says "Women, lose at least 25 pounds in about 12 hours..... send $5 to this PO box to find out how". Then I could send them a pamphlet on the weight you lose while giving birth. I'd probably make tons but I'd feel bad.

I got a "B" in my class today. I'm going for an Accounting and Book keeping AA degree. I have 2 A's and a B now. The class I just started is "Contemporary Business". I think they make you take all of these business classes in Accounting so you don't get as mad at your boss. In fact, it almost makes you feel bad for some business owners. One of the things we had to do in the class is introduce ourselves and talk about what kind of business we would like to open. I being the smart ass (and an accounting major in a business class) replied "a successful business".
None of us, or I should say, not many of us venture into life hoping to fail. Like those in the class hoping to succeed in business, I hope to succeed in mommyhood. Funny thing is, something like, one in five businesses make it through their first year. Most of those businesses failure to thrive is blamed on not enough start up capitol. I hope being a mommy proves better odds. I certainly can't imagine a better success.

In church this last Sunday, the speaker, Rev. Hooks (Dr. Arlene Bump was out of town), started his service with an ancient proverb:

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

(Hi-Ho Silver.... Away!!)

Donations Are Appreciated

If you would like to send me baby gift $$$, please click the Pay Pal link below. Sorry, they didn't have a "Send a Gift" button, only donations.

I am truly greatful.

Thank You.

A Beautiful Day

Can't sleep for some reason. Maybe because the kids have been jumping around in there so much the last hour. Dunno. I've been pretty excited lately. Besides the fact that I'm looking for a new place to live because I lost my "great" nanny job, the real news is that I wake up every morning and check my belly button. I'm halfway between inny and outy. I really feel like it's gonna pop any day now. I wish like crazy I could explain to people who have never been pregnant before, how entirely weird and wonderful it is to have your abdomen randomly jump, twitch and move around. I mean, I know there are two babies in there, but it doesn't really feel like babies, not yet anyway, it feels like your insides are moving on their own or something. It's weird to watch and it's weird to experience but it is soooooo beautiful and neat and amazing.

Today is my mom's birthday. I don't know what time she was born at. I won't make her embarrassed by saying how old she is today, but she remembers the 50's fairly well and the poodle skirt she wore durning that era. Before I started writing this blog tonight, I was sitting here staring at the ceiling wondering if my grandma was in labor at this point wondering when it would all be over? I was trying to imagine my grandpa pacing the halls getting ready to pass out cigars. Man, things have changed! Back then, a woman was expected to go into the delivery room by herself with doctors and nurses etc, while everyone waited elsewhere. Now, all the books, hospital tours, birth classes, breast feeding classes, etc. ALL EXPECT the guy to be right there "sharing the experience". Single parenting has come a long way and divorce doesn't have anywhere near the same stigma it had before, but talk about society's pressure for you to be a certain way or do things a certain way. The world has gone so wacko that they'd rather see me with a "life partner" than by myself. (Not speaking for anyone but myself) YUCK!!

(AUTHOR'S SIDE NOTE ABOUT PARTNER CHOICE: **The pendulum needs to stay in the middle people, we are not clocks, we do not need to keep track of things by swinging wildly left to right and back again. Please remember that ALL choices are up to the individuals involved in the partnership and get over the whole "judgement" crap**) Now back to our originally scheduled blogging...

Unfortunately (fortunately?), my mom never got to go through any of the birthing process aside from being born herself. I wish I could somehow share this with her, help her understand somehow.... but I can't. Being pregnant is one of those things where you can describe it all you want, but they who have not gone through it will never fully understand what it's like. The same could be true about a lot of things though. I can't tell you what it's like to wait 10 or more years for a phone call from an adoption agency to finally say, "your new baby girl is here, come get her". I don't know what it is like to live through a tsunami or cancer or disablement or hundreds of other things. Everyone has had something happen to them that is common enough to feel a connection to others, but everyone also has had something happen to them that is different enough that they alone know what the experience truly feels like.

Always remember,
you are unique and special....
just like everyone else.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!
I LOVE YOU!

Oh Baby!

Yesterday was my second ultrasound. I was very nervous before my appointment. A side track to that... Do you know how hard it is to hold your pee for an hour after drinking 32 ounces of water when you're nervous, have 15 or so pounds resting on your bladder and a an occasional kick? Someone needs to invent an ultrasound machine that works on an empty bladder to stop the unnecessary torture of innocent pregnant women everywhere. Back to the main track.... I had had an ultrasound at a clinic a few weeks before, but the lady barely knew how to turn the machine on and couldn't really give me any information or get any good pictures. It was more about proving I was pregnant to be able to receive Medicaid than providing any answers. So coming into this appointment yesterday, I was a bit anxious to find out the sex and to get a better estimate of my due date. What the technician told me nearly made me wet myself. I almost felt as if I was trapped in the Twilight Zone or something. The technician knew that I had had an ultrasound before (because of my chart) so she was quite surprised to find out that I didn't know I was having twins. A boy and a girl as I have now come to find out. Oh ya, I'm also due August 9th (instead of August 14th) but twins are almost always delivered early (full term for twins is usually either 37 or 38 weeks instead of 40 weeks, I forget which one exactly).

I, of course, called everyone I know to let them know "It's A...... [drum roll] One Of Each!" I received a whole range of different responses, most positive. I think the best answer was from my friend Joe-Joe. He decided since it's one of each, my new nick name should be "Padme". Unfortunately, for that nick name to really fit, I'd die after child birth and the guy I slept with would help the dark side of the force try to take over the universe. Although he is evil, I don't think he's that evil. On the upside, to look as amazing as Natalie Portman.... I could accept that. There's also the idea of having friends in my life like Obi-Wan, another plus.

I am truly excited about my little lion cubs (end of July/beginning of Aug is in the sign of Leo). Definitely frightened and nearly constantly praying for faith that this will work somehow, but over all, I'm excited. I always wanted a boy and a girl and now, with a lot of faith, hard work and support (and probably a few infant care classes) , I'll have what I always wanted.

I've Got That Sinking Feeling

Have you ever gotten in a mental rut that leaves you with a sinking feeling of doom? Ok, well, maybe not doom, something that isn't good. It occurred to me Monday night, after talking to my neighbor, my due date (August 14th) is just after hurricane season begins. In fact, rumor has it from the neighbors, that while technically hurricane season begins in June, it doesn't really get started until August.

This is what NOAA has posted in their FAQ section on Hurricane Season:
"The Atlantic hurricane season is officially from 1 June to 30 November. There is nothing magical in these dates, and hurricanes have occurred outside of these six months, but these dates were selected to encompass over 97% of tropical activity. The Atlantic basin shows a very peaked season from August through October, with 78% of the tropical storm days, 87% of the minor hurricane days, and 96% of the major hurricane days occurring then. Maximum activity is in early to mid September."

Basically, the sinking feeling is that even if I am lucky enough to miss delivery durning a major storm (ie. hurricane), I might have to evacuate at least once before the kid is even a month old. Sounds Fun. I miss earthquakes. Not really, it's just that I am familiar with earthquakes and have only seen hurricanes on TV. Just typical fear of the unknown stuff. At least I'm already familiar with the preparedness kit, Florida Hurricane kits seem almost the same as California Earthquake kits. You know, fresh water, first aide, can food, cook stove or generator, flashlight, radio, prayer book, etc. The main difference seems to be the fact that in Florida, you actually use your kit.

Anyway, that's about it for now. Any advice (good) advice would be helpful so feel free to comment.

The Cat Is Out Of The Bag

Well, it's getting to the point where I need special clothes and strange men are nice enough to hold the door or offer to carry stuff for me. Yep, I'm 25 weeks pregnant and counting. I've been reading the books, doing the special exercises (girls, you know what I mean), eating the correct food and taking the vitamins, quit smoking.... in short, everything you are supposed to do. The one thing that I had left out due to irrational fears is to go see a doctor. Of course, now that I have two Doctor visits under my belt, and everything is going according to plan, I'm almost back to where I should be. I'm a little nervous about my up coming Ultrasound, kind of nervous about delivery and terrified of bringing home a tiny infant. I don't know about you, but this revelation was quite surprising to me. I was always sure I'd be more afraid of delivery than child care. Maybe it's the hormones?
After two miscarriages and two different doctors telling me I could never have children, I just feel like all of this was somehow meant to be. That everything will work itself out (granted the fact that I participate in what needs to get done when it needs to get done). The big hitch is that I never pictured myself a single parent before, not ever. All the books I'm reading have the term or phrase "your partner" in them A LOT!! Everytime I come across it, I get more and more terrified. Then I wonder "What the HECK am I doing?"
The answer is always the most amazing part. It's the part that always makes me cry. I always feel some sort of movement. Whether it's an attention getting kick in the bladder saying "stop whining and go take a pee... I want some more room down here" or it's a soft sort of bump to the belly, I get reminded that currently I'm a huge, hormonal freak with a parasite growing inside, this is no time to think that I am thinking rationally in anyway, shape or form. In truth, nobody really knows what they are doing either, everything is just the way it's supposed to be. I can either cry, moan and/or bitch or actively participate.
Now that I have graduated from Life 101, welcome to Parenting 101. Classes for Life 202 and Parenting 202 will occur simultaneously and begin in the fall.
Wish me luck!